What 46 Years Have Taught Me About Leadership
August 1, 2026
This is my birthday month.
In honor of turning 46, I thought I'd reflect on a few lessons life has taught me about leadership over the four and a half decades I've been alive. I certainly don't have it all figured out. Every year continues to humble me and teach me something new. But as I look back, I can see how each decade shaped the leader I've become.
Ages 0-9: Leadership Begins with an Embrace
Our family wasn't perfect.
I didn't meet my biological father until I was 16. When I was three, my mom married my dad, a Polish French Canadian man who became my dad in every way that mattered. He loved me as his own, and I loved him as mine. My little sister was born to the two of them, and we had mad love for one another.
Like every family, we experienced ups and downs. We navigated race, identity, and home. My mom came to the United States from Haiti carrying deep trauma, and there were seasons when our family felt divided in different ways. But through it all, there was always big love.
That love poured out of me.
I loved people, even strangers. I loved animals. I loved nature. One of the ways that love showed up was through hugs. I hugged everyone at church.
Eventually, my mom sat me down and gently said, "Not everyone wants to be hugged."
She taught me empathy and the importance of respecting other people's boundaries. At the same time, I also noticed something else.
Love opened people up.
People would confide in me, even as a child. They would almost always welcome the hug. They came when I invited them. They felt seen.
What this taught me about leadership is that an embrace opens doors.
That embrace doesn't always have to be physical. Sometimes it's a warm smile. Sometimes it's genuine curiosity. Sometimes it's full presence. Sometimes it's simply making someone feel welcomed.
Leadership begins with creating spaces where people feel safe enough to be themselves.
Ages 10-20: We Become Through Community
When I was ten, we moved to a small rural town in Michigan called Leslie. There, I experienced both the best and the hardest parts of community. I experienced belonging, care, and authentic relationships. I also experienced racism, rejection, and humiliation.
Both taught me something profound.
Our communities shape us more than we often realize. They influence our identity, our confidence, our sense of worth, and our understanding of what's possible.
That realization ultimately led me to community psychology and, years later, to founding BECOME.
As a leader, this decade taught me the power of building a tribe.
Leadership needs to go beyond helping individuals thrive and creating communities where everyone has the opportunity to thrive together. Focus on the collective, not just the individual.
Ages 20-30: Nature Is a Leadership Practice
These were my college years.
I attended Michigan State University and later Arizona State University. The two environments couldn't have been more different.
Michigan State was green in every sense of the word, lush trees, winding rivers, rich agriculture, and fresh air that seemed to fill my lungs and settle my nervous system. I loved walking across campus, watching the river flow and feeling grounded in ways I didn't yet have language for. In a body I was rarely fully present in because of my own healing journey, nature gently invited me back.
Arizona offered something entirely different. Brown desert landscapes. Majestic mountains. Dry air that felt like a clearing sauna. And the most breathtaking sunsets I've ever witnessed. The mountains became a refuge, a place to climb physically and mentally. They gave me space to think, to breathe, and to gain perspective.
Both places taught me the same lesson.
Leaders need nature.
Whether it's sitting beside water, walking among trees, hiking mountains, standing in the desert, or looking up at the stars, nature clears the mental clutter that leadership so easily accumulates. It grounds us, reconnects us to our intuition, reminds us that we are part of something much larger than ourselves.
It's often in nature that we hear that “still, small voice” most clearly.
Ages 30-40: Relationships Build Everything
This was the decade I became a mother and a founder.
I started BECOME with almost nothing. I was receiving food assistance, going to low-cost dental clinics at the local community college, and scraping together whatever I could to keep moving forward. I worked six or seven days a week. Twelve- to fourteen-hour days became normal.
Then I became a mother.
Having my two beautiful children transformed me in ways I never expected. They softened me. They stretched me. They taught me patience, presence, and perspective. They reminded me that who I was becoming mattered just as much as what I was building.
Hard work mattered. It still does. Building anything meaningful requires consistency, commitment, and perseverance.
However, looking back, I realize that while hard work helped us move forward, relationships transformed BECOME,,,and me.
The people who believed in me before there was much to believe in. The mentors who stretched me. The partners who dreamed with us. The team who brought their brilliance. The community members who trusted us enough to build alongside them. And my family, who reminded me every day why this work mattered.
Relationships became the conduit for every meaningful opportunity and every lasting impact.
Leadership is never a solo endeavor. It is built in relationship with those we love, those we learn from, those we work alongside, and those we serve. Invest deeply in those relationships. They will shape you just as much as they shape your work.
Ages 40+: Listen More Deeply
I turned 40 during the pandemic.
On August 12, 2020, my husband, our two young children, and I went to the beach. We stayed far from everyone else, breathing fresh air while the world felt uncertain.
I spent much of that day reflecting.
The pandemic was incredibly difficult.
Many people lost loved ones, jobs, stability, hope.
Our family faced its own challenges. I had a toddler and a baby. My husband was laid off and experienced depression. I was working full-time, paying the bills, and carrying much of the caregiving at home.
At the same time, BECOME was pivoting, growing, struggling, and finding new ways forward.
Today, BECOME is a more than $1 million organization that has worked alongside more than 90 partners, engaged over 50 communities across Chicagoland, and contributed to systems change nationally.
Looking back, I see that leadership in that season meant releasing the pressure to have all the answers. It meant listening closely.
I leaned into mentorship. I listened to my team and the communities we served. I listened to trusted wisdom. I listened to my children's preschool teacher, who reminded me that play was the most important work children could do while the world shut down.
That wisdom shaped how we parented through an incredibly difficult season.
Leadership requires humility. Not the kind of humility that minimizes our own gifts or expertise. The kind that recognizes wisdom all around us, that listens deeply enough for collective intelligence to emerge, and that allows us to move forward together.
3 Practices from My Leadership Journey to Yours
As I celebrate another trip around the sun, here are three practices I'm recommitting to and invite you to as well.
1. Practice your embrace.
You may or may not be a hugger, but consider what an embrace looks like for you. It might be a genuine smile. A warm greeting. Full eye contact. A thoughtful text. A few uninterrupted minutes of presence.
Find ways to help people feel welcomed, valued, and loved.
2. Spend time in nature.
My favorite part of nature has always been the stars. Growing up in Leslie, clear nights meant skies full of them, and I could spend hours simply looking up.
What's your favorite part of nature?
Choose one place that fills you with peace and spend at least 20 minutes there. Try doing this three times over the next week. Notice what shifts in your body, your thinking, and your spirit.
3. Cultivate a mentoring relationship.
Every leader needs people who can help them see what they cannot see themselves.
If you already have a mentor or coach, schedule regular time together, whether that's monthly, quarterly, or somewhere in between.
If you don't have one, begin looking.
Few investments will shape your leadership more.
If you'd like to explore this idea more deeply, I write about the power of relationships and mentorship in Becoming Change Makers, particularly in Section Two.
As I begin another year of life, I'm reminded that leadership is something we continue becoming.
And perhaps that's the greatest lesson these past 46 years have taught me.
Want to go deeper?
If you haven't already, I'd love for you to pick up a copy of Becoming Change Makers. It dives much deeper into many of the leadership lessons I've shared here and offers practices to help you grow in your own journey.
If you do read it, I'd love to hear what resonates with you. Send me your thoughts, reflections, questions, or feedback at dmcbride@becomecenter.org. One of my greatest joys is hearing how these ideas come to life in others' leadership and lives.